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TheGrlsRestroom
You need your girls, you need to release, you need to reset, & you need to refresh! This will be a safe place where we talk about all the fun things, love, grow, glow, get our shit together & release it!
TheGrlsRestroom
TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS
Ever found yourself caught in a web of toxic love that leaves you questioning your self-worth? Join us as we unravel the intricate dynamics of abusive relationships, offering sincere advice and encouragement to those in harmful situations to seek help and prioritize their safety. With heartfelt storytelling, we explore the emotional impact of being a hopeless romantic influenced by Venus in Pisces, sharing personal experiences that highlight the importance of recognizing red flags early on. From my first love at 12 to the lessons learned from seeing potential in others, you’ll connect on a profound level, fostering understanding and self-awareness.
Struggle with finding the balance between masculine and feminine traits in your relationships? Discover the challenges and rewards of honest communication and personal growth. We reflect on the idealization of first love and its eventual toxic reality, emphasizing accountability and learning from past relationships. By examining the concept of multiple soulmates and the lessons they bring, this episode offers a fresh perspective on love and connection, encouraging you to embrace the temporary yet transformative nature of some relationships.
Imagine approaching someone who unexpectedly becomes a symbol of strength and gentleness in your life. Hear about my amusing encounter with a celebrity security guard and how his balance of masculinity and tenderness made me feel valued and secure. We dive into the roles of gender in relationships, the impact of infidelity, and the necessity of emotional intelligence and stability. Concluding with a powerful message on escaping domestic violence and embracing self-love, this episode is a heartfelt call to recognize your worth and move towards healthier, more fulfilling connections. Don't miss out on this blend of serious advice, personal anecdotes, and heartfelt encouragement.
Welcome to the girls restroom. I'm so excited that y'all have found my space and let's get into some things. I feel like if you are here right now, you are meant to be right here. So take what resonates to you and leave what does not, because everything I say I don't expect, in my opinion, things I don't expect for everyone to agree to. So take it or leave it. It's like the best advice I could give you. However, today's episode is about toxic relationships. Let's get into it.
Speaker 1:Before we get into it and I start being my little goofy self I do want to take a moment and be super serious right now, and I want you guys to know that if you are in a relationship or you have a partner or whatever same thing really and you are being abused verbally, physically or gaslighting mentally, that I am praying for you. I pray that you find an exit, get out, leave and get help. Don't feel like you're alone, don't feel like you will be judged if you speak up, get out. There is nothing safe about that and so many people have lost their lives. Rather, it's themselves or the partner taking it too, too, too, too far because you are staying. So I do want to say get help, reach out, call a friend, do what you need to do, because that is so serious and you deserve better. Okay, let's get into it. I feel like I, okay. So I'm at a point in my life where I am done with the whole relationship thing as of now, like I am still healing from hurt in my past and I fell so quick into being a hopeless romantic. It's so easy to just get wrapped up into the fairy tale a big dream, wedding, a okay.
Speaker 1:So, and let me say this too, because my Venus is in Pisces, if you are a Zodiac girl like me or like you're getting to the things because I take it back there as above so below. But that is a whole different another conversation, not different. Another honey, I be talking like a slave. Sometimes I'm so nervous, even though y'all but that is a whole different other conversation, not different. Other honey, I be talking like a slave. Sometimes I'm so nervous, even though y'all can't see me, I literally get so freaking nervous. Okay, but anyway, yes, we're going to try to correct our dialogue because that was not cute. I promise. I am edgy, I'm educated, I am educated.
Speaker 1:Anyway, however, like I was saying, I'm a zodiac girl, so my venus is in pisces and if you know if a pisces or if you are a pisces, you really really know how sensitive they are. They are water sign. They are big cry babies, last of the zodiac. So it's like the little sister, little brother of the zodiac. Very it's. It's just like pisces, it's just like big ass cry babies.
Speaker 1:I swear pisces and cancers. Thank god I do not have cancer in my chart, but that is another conversation for another day. Okay, anyway, my Venus is in Pisces. So what that means is let me look at it real quick. Let me look at it. I was supposed to have a photo but I didn't. Let me pull it up. Let me pull up, with my Venus in Pisces, what it means to be a Venus in Pisces.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I pulled it up on my phone and it says a woman with Venus in Pisces is compassionate, empathic and imaginative. She is. So she is also said to be in tune with others emotions and could connect with people on a soul level. And it also says romantic she often seeks love that goes beyond the ordinary, okay, hopeless, romantic, like I told y'all, artistic she can be artistic. I'm a makeup artist, so of course I'm artistic. Spiritual. She can be spiritual. I'm very spiritual, okay. That's why we here now talking about this mystical, she can could be mystical. Of course, I'm a fairy baby. I am that, okay. So that's a different story for a different day. And, oh, I don't know how to pronounce this. Escape escapist, she can have daydreaming qualities, okay. Um, all that is a freaking, hopeless romantic, basically. So my venus is in pisces. I suggest everyone to go and read their zodiac chart, because it tells you the truth about yourself. So back to it I am a hopeless, freaking romantic.
Speaker 1:So let me just talk about my first true love. Met when I was 12 years old not me going back, but yes, met him when I was 12 years old and it started out pretty toxic because I realized that in my younger years I always felt like I fell in love with potential, like I would always see the potential in people and be like, hmm, I could change this, or he just needs this, or, hmm, let me hold him. Hmm, let me hold him, let me hug him. Like you know, unfortunately, for a couple of people that's going to, if they listen to this, they're going to be upset about me calling him my first love, which is basically my baby daddy. They're going gonna be upset a couple I know a couple more people because I was like loose I was using the term so loosely but no, true love.
Speaker 1:First love was definitely him. Like, did I love somebody before? Yes, I'm talking about what I'm saying is all y'all. But if you around my age, you kind of understand I know y'all like I know this bitch was 12 years old with okay, so yeah, um, it's another guy that I. He was like my first kiss or whatever so and it was like special to me and I love that and we were cute.
Speaker 1:He was like my first boyfriend, but he definitely wasn't my first love and um, but for so long I did call him my first love because it was just like you know, I loved you first, but as far as in love, oh no, baby, I thought I was but love with my baby in love, and so, um, and then my quote on quote okay, this all I can't. I can't even get into it because I gotta stay on topic. I gotta stay on topic. We'll talk about me another time, with my whole relationship up and down, because now that I'm like getting raving about it, it's like what the fuck was you doing, girl? And I'm like, uh, the raving about it. It's like what the fuck was you doing, girl? And I'm like, oh, girl, what's the tea? But now listen, listen to this. So boom, um, oh, not me going down memory lane and it threw me off the socket chair. Oh shit, okay, but anyway, for real.
Speaker 1:So yeah, my first love was someone who I was actually in love with, seen a whole lifetime with blah, truth be told, if I love you, if we get to that point, then I kind of see that with you, like I always saw potential, I feel, oh, hold on. I don't even know how much got cut off because, oh, I can't even let me just be 100 with y'all. So I ain't got no bra and I had leaned up against my computer and it paused it. My titty had paused, my titty had paused, the damn, the damn mouse y'all. So it had stopped. So I don't know where I was it. I just continued to record it. I'll figure that out later. Anyway, I know y'all dialing like girl, what you got going on over there. I'm sorry it's late as fuck and okay, let me, I'll get to that end, let me, let me stay on top and let me get to my point, honey. Okay, so, anyway, so potential.
Speaker 1:I always felt like I could. Oh, he just need a hug, oh, he just. That's that healer in me. I always knew what it was, just never knew how to tap into it. Never knew it was something I needed to tap into, you know, just illiterate. So I've always been in here like, oh, he just need a hug, or oh, he just need this, or oh, we could be this, we could do that. I could just get him and mold him and show him this, and show him that and maybe change his mind about this.
Speaker 1:Listen, a man going to do what a man wanna do. If you are, um, your partner, any a human being, period, it's gonna do what they want to do. A woman, we're gonna do what we want to do. Regardless. We are a little bit easier to like negotiate with. I feel like when we want to change the men are, because men are stubborn when it comes to stuff like that, because they are they some.
Speaker 1:So I know black men have a hard time sometimes fighting their balancing their masculine and feminine, because we all have one. It's like yin and yang, sun and moon. We all have masculine and feminine traits and when you meet a man, when it's well balanced, it's like the perfect relationship. However, that's a red flag. Don't look it. When you look at where you are, you know your mindset and you get to speaking to somebody in there just and you feel like you have to dumb down to like them, that is a red flag. That's you looking at potential and falling in love with potential will fuck you up. In the end. You can't blame nobody but yourself, because you've seen it coming.
Speaker 1:Like you settled and, yeah, I was 12 years old, but that that is a whole like history, like that I don't know. I don't even know. Let me think okay, so, yes, I was 12 years old, so of course, I knew, like you know, everything happened in a line, how we were supposed to. However, I will say he was the first guy that I ever dated. That was truly in like the street life, you know, at an early age, and it's because of the way he was brought up, and the way I was brought up was totally different. So, of course, I was just like, oh no, like you don't deserve that. You deserve to be loved, baby, let me love you. Even at 12 years old, I was like, oh, you're so fine, let me love you, um, and just kind of living a little fairytale life. Damien was 14 at the time, I think. So yeah, still, you know me and mature a little bit slower than we do, or whatever. However, boom. So years. Um stayed in touch for a long time. Then a couple years went. A few years went by.
Speaker 1:Actually I graduated high school and then we connected back with each other and it was just so toxic. I'm not trying to make it about him, but it was beautiful at first, but then it became toxic because I just kind of started finding out little things and still rolling, rolling with it, like you know. But I had to take accountability into not speaking up because of what? When it feels so right, it feels so right and you just know what it feels like to feel good in that moment and you don't. You feel like, damn, if I bring this up, it's gonna start an argument, it's gonna mess up the vibes, like I don't want to do, and that's being toxic towards yourself. Because just because you are angry or you are upset at something that you've seen, it does take conversation, like sitting down and like let's have a conversation. Like, where do you see this? Where are we going? Where do you see this where? Where are we going?
Speaker 1:Some of us kind of just meet people and automatically have a magnetic connection or spiritual or soulful connection, and it's not always the healthiest for us and we kind of go with that versus and trying to make a family out of it or a home out of it. I should say, yeah, that makes sense. So like and in reality some people are just seasonal, like rather, it is six months or six years. Some people are literally just meant to be in your life to either show you something different or teach you a lesson. So, and it's just like, are we growing from loving on one another? Are we happy? Are we? What are we getting out of this?
Speaker 1:I heard in life that you have like three, you have three true, true loves in your life. You have many soulmates, like I have. My best friends are my soulmates for sure. My kid is my soulmate. So that term is like twin flame. That has been a thing here recently and twin flame, I heard, was not always a good thing. But then I see people ranting and raving about bragging about somebody being their twin flame and I'm like, are you sure you want to put that on that relationship, because that ain't For me, my twin flame.
Speaker 1:I don't know if I've came across my twin flame or not, because twin flame and soulmates are two different things. Twin flames are literally, I feel, like the opposite. Let me look up the definition. Okay so a twin flame is a new age concept that describes a strong connection between two people who are thought to be each other's half or halves of one whole. Twin flames are also called mirror souls. The concept has gained popularity in recent years. It promotes the idea of an intense soul connection. It promotes the idea of an intense soul connection. So it says some signs that you've met your twin flame include Okay so I'm going to read this out loud and think while I'm reading it to see which one of you motherfuckers is my twin flame, but I really don't think I felt like I met him yet.
Speaker 1:Okay so listen. A rapid development of a deep connection, feeling an inner pull towards that person, feeling as though you have met before or always known each other. Instant recognition, intense emotional connection, mirror-like, like similarities, profound spiritual awakening, challenging dynamics, shared life, mission, psychic communication, personal growth catalyst. Definitely have met my twin flame. I don't even know why I sat down and told y'all that lie, that I haven't. But mine popped up immediately and I know for a fact that's my twin flame, because me and him have not sexually even been together and most of those connections like, yeah, all of those connections are true. So, yeah, definitely have a 24, and that is honestly toxic. And let me tell you why. Because when it come to him, I found myself being we be so honest with each other and we don't.
Speaker 1:The whole title thing is what get people to and I'm just going to speak on. Okay. So I'm just going to speak on what I know, because I only have dated one person, that's okay, anyway. I'm just going to speak on what I know because I only have dated one person, that's okay, anyway. I'm just gonna speak on what I know. So I like I'm gonna speak on what I know. Now, if, when I go live on this episode, I'm gonna pull people up, I make it on station, I'm gonna pull people up and we're gonna talk about this shit because we bookmark this, write it down or something and remember this. But I do notice. Okay, sorry, anyway, I only date chocolate men, black men, um, not all of them are chocolate now, but you know milling them in. So I do know I feel like we are the only freaking people in the world.
Speaker 1:They be like I ain't trying to put no title on her, I ain't trying to hold her, I ain't trying to get no girlfriend or nothing, but be playing house and checking up. And then when she hit the fan, it's like well, girl, you know, you know you ain't my girl anyway, you ain't my, I ain't got no girlfriend, I'm single. Okay, that is. That is so. Like, why do we do that to each other literally? Why do we feel like we can't have Kate and Edith? Like why do we feel like we can't have Tom, dick and Harry, but Tom is the number one? Like what is in it, like what gets us there and it's just, it's just freaking toxic. I don't know if it's trauma or because I will say this like when I'm in a relationship with somebody, I am all in, I am completely in.
Speaker 1:Seriously, I have cheated on one person and honestly, it was a girl that I dated when I was dating this girl. But it's because, honestly, I'm not. I don't know, I don't know. That's all different and that was that was real toxic. You know what I mean and oh, you know what. I can't bring this up because when I was listen, when I was dating her, the only reason I cheated is with okay. So, ooh, ooh, I might be hitting a song and I'm telling a song a little bit, but it is what it is Because, bitch, you cheated on me too. But anyway, I didn't cheat.
Speaker 1:First, it was the connection. She definitely was a soulmate to me. I, it was just so magnetic and I think it was more so for me, it was the lust and I just felt so comfortable, um, under her. And then, like, it was just like I think it was a sexual attraction, but I don't know what it was, because it's not like when I see girls I get turned on, like, oh, I want to hunch on her. Like it was literally like I just felt so like, oh, you know what I'm saying Immediately when I met her, well, when we started chilling with each other, like we were flirting and all this, that and the third, but like when we chilled that first day Lord have mercy. So I know I ain't give her none the first day, but I wanted to. Okay anyway, okay anyway, um, it was very like toxic, because we was deep in our emotions, like we we were.
Speaker 1:She had just was getting over her ex-girlfriend and really liked me, really found me pretty and just wanted to, you know, pursue something with me. And I personally felt like she was like, damn, I got a bitch like Coco, like what's up? Because the ex she, we were just two different type of women. And I'm saying that with a humble heart because, you know, I'm cool with everybody right now. It ain't got bad. But I'm cool Like, but I'm saying it with a humble heart, like we are literally two, two different type of women. And I feel like she was.
Speaker 1:You know how, when you stuck in a situation so long with somebody you so used to these ways that you don't really appreciate, you're just like you get something new and fresh and you're just like, damn, if the grass is green on the other side. So I feel like it was one of them situations for her, whatever, and for me it was the same. It was like I had dated a girl before and that I really, really liked and, um, you know, like that ended horribly for me and I was just like, okay, the whole female thing is not for me, okay, that it was just like horrible. It was like well, the way it ended, like I just got snaked Like, because the thing with the females for me was you're my best friend, like you, really, my girlfriend, we just be like my homegirl, I mean, and then we just be like my home girl, I mean, and then we just be hunting and touching on each other and stuff like nothing too serious ain't nobody getting pregnant over here, my girl.
Speaker 1:You get what I'm saying, but you know so sorry if I get long, windy y'all, but shit, it's a podcast. Get your feet, kick your feet up and relax, okay, because I just just telling my experiences on these toxic ass relationships. So literally just feel like it was that like I, I don't know y'all like we were just two type of, two different type of women or whatever. So she was just kind of like you know what so. But when we got to chilling or whatever, and it was cool, it was a vibe, it was soft, it was new, but even you, it was the energy, like it was really really dope-ass energy, cooler than the fan, like just that Martin and Gina type shit going on. But it was more like Gina and Gina. That's so stupid. Anyway, we had a motherfucking Gina and Gina going on baby, it's gay, oh my god, okay anyway. So, yeah, we was, like you know, just kicking it or whatever.
Speaker 1:Then she ended up still talking to the ex because, regardless, if the grass is green on the other side, if you're not healed from something like it was something about your ex that you were like in love with that you that you still cared about how, like you know, you're just not comparing the girls, what this is what I like about you. This is what I like about you, especially if the door is still open on your ex-in. Like it's so easy to fall back in the trap of like what you know. So it's kind of like boom, say, if you get off work one day because I did this one day, I got off work and I had to go pick up Kaysen from my babysitter Every day I've worked like clockwork, like boom, it's naturally what I'm doing. I'm not thinking, oh, today Kaysen's out of town, I don't have to go that way. But here I am, just automatically my body just like just up and moving, not thinking, not thinking, just doing what I regularly do Get all the way to the babysitter's house and like, damn, I ain't got no kid to pick up Now. I don't waste the gas and I got to go all the way home now and I drove all the way over here like an idiot because I was not thinking.
Speaker 1:Same thing with cheating. You are not really thinking, you're just used to it. I don't think her heart was any with the other person anymore, only simply because she's not even with the bitch, no more. So it's just like you know, like I just think that's what it is like. We all have a comfort zone somewhere. We look for a part, like we look for a home in different people and different things and different places, and we just kind of lead us back to that way.
Speaker 1:But that opened up a whole can of bullshit because instead of being like I don't deserve this, I'm leaving you the fuck alone. You hurt me. It was just kind of like I was doing this. I was playing the same game, like, oh, magnetically, I do not want to leave you alone. You made me feel so good, but then now I can't stand, like just thinking about it. When I'm not around you, I can't stand you, I don't want to be around you and they'll tell me what the fuck you doing. Like you know just toxic, just overthinking it, and just not with the vibes, like it was only a vibe when I'm around and same with me, because and she also was like projecting that on me, like why every time I'm leaving you got an attitude, or you at the foot of your socks and stuff it's because, oh, your ass had been doing this, this and the third behind my back. So I did so.
Speaker 1:With women, we are very like telling when it comes to us having other partners, because we're so emotionally, so much more emotionally in tune. Sometimes some men are very in tune with their feminine side and and it shows with them too, if they can pull it off. Like you know, it just all depends like we are all different as humans. We're all different, but it's so important to balance your feminine and masculine because for so long I felt like I was into guys, that was in the streets and ripping and running, because, oh they hard, oh my god, they finna get in a gunfight. Pow, pow, bang, bang. Oh, come here, let me rub your back because I know you done had a long day. You been out shooting, stealing drugs. I just want to heal you and make you feel like calm and just soothe you. You know what I'm saying. That's me as a lover.
Speaker 1:However, growing up and tapping into my spiritual gifts and energies, and just on a whole different frequency, I realized that I love masculine men and I came across one. Okay, so well, all of them were pretty masculine. I don't, I don't like men that come out very feminine or that's more in tune with their feminine side. They are, I mean those, those men are out there for some people, but also, like you have those men that are in the streets, that's intact with their feminine side. Like I just don't like these. And I'm not saying like they act gay, look gay or dress scary or anything. I'm just saying like that, just whining all the time, just very, very super emotional. I don't like no overly emotional man, absolutely not. However, can I like tolerate you dropping a tear about something, you releasing your emotions, you upset, yeah, like we all get upset. We are human, so I get that, like you know, I'm saying, and if you're a crier like me, like cool, but like real men do cry, don't get me wrong, I don't want nobody to be offended when I say this, but like a man would be like, oh, i'ma kill myself If you don't talk to me, like them type of things. Absolutely not, baby, absolutely Not, absolutely not. That ain't my thing.
Speaker 1:Anyway, I was talking I had met this one guy oh, it's so funny had met this one guy. Oh it's so funny, I met this one guy and this was actually the very first guy I ever approached and I don't think I would ever do something like this again. I don't think I would ever do something like this again. I don't think I'll ever do something like this again. So he was like just staring at me and then he'll look to the side and smile. He was shy and I'm like usually the dudes that I like, because I'm very, very shy, like I'm usually the shy one. He came up to me I mean, he didn't come up to me.
Speaker 1:I was like I told I tapped who my friend was at the time and I was like I'm gonna get him because he keep looking at me and blah, blah, blah. Of course I had a little, I'm gonna get all my shit, but yeah, he was the security, for I ain't gonna say I ain't gonna say I'm gonna say, but for my close friends they know who, exactly who I'm talking about anyway. Um, yeah, so he really couldn't even move or make a move because he was, uh, a security guard for us he still is for a celebrity at the time. So it was he. But he also didn't give me the like Camille typeille type shit.
Speaker 1:He was just giving me like that look like, what's your name? How you doing? Can I buy you a drink? Let me pay your bills? He was giving me that look. Y'all you said you want to pay my bills Say, hi, carl, okay, now for real. Y'all listen. Um, I'm so delusional. Y'all see what I mean. Y'all see exactly what I mean. No, but for real, though, he was giving me that look, and I know for a fact because I went up to him, went up to him, he asked, told me his name and gave me his number, or whatever. He put my number in his phone, he put his number in my phone, I'm sorry. And then I text him and he was like I'll hit you up when I get out. I was like, okay.
Speaker 1:So I went over to my little friend's. I was like, ooh, we did it, man, we did it, we did it, we did it. Sure enough, motherfucker, he me up when I got off. Anyway, so, as I got to know him or whatever. Well, when he got off, as I got to know him or whatever, it was so like crazy to me because he was so different from the type that I usually go for.
Speaker 1:He was taller than me, light-skinned. If you know me, I be trying to act like I like them chocolate balls, but them light-skinned still a style over here in Cocoa World baby. Anyway, light-skinned he had like sandy red hair, half sandy red hair, brown hair, muscular, he had the muscles and his voice was, was like deep but soft, like he's just so, so, so masculine, but like, soft, like, not like, and not like soft, like. Let's not forget he is a security guard, um, army vet, so you know, like he whipped the shit, like he went to shit for his freaking country, like, come on, he whipped the shit, don't get it twisted. However, like you could tell like he just oh, wow, like he, just like he he's, he has a feminine touch, like not, it's just so weird because so so many people and some are so immature, like with me, saying that it's just kind of like. Oh, what you mean? Was he sassy? No, it's just he had a like, he was in, he had great balance, amazing balance, like he knew how to come off to me and talk to me. He, yeah, I'm the man, but also I'm here to like, please, you as a woman, like, and that's what he said to me literally. So it's just like oh, we love that baby. You got some good credentials, you are a protector because look at your job description you put your life on the line to protect those important people and just people in general. So that is beautiful to me. You protected your country. Like, that's very masculine. Like to me, like, oh, you're gonna die if you gonna jump in front of a bullet. For me, like, oh, yes, like, that's so masculine. For me, I don't need no punk-ass man hiding behind me screaming just as loud as me.
Speaker 1:I remember when I used to y'all listen, I used to bartend and I'll never forget, I'll never forget, I'll never forget. Somebody was shooting at the door of the place I was bartending at or whatever. And I look up because I'm thinking like what the hell, because I'm in the back of the club looking and I'm looking up seeing like, like, I'm like what the hell? Going on and all I seen was everybody running. Why the first three people I seen running of the crowd was the security.
Speaker 1:I don't like no man like that. Like bitch, go outside and see what's going on. That's what you're getting paid for. You knew what you set up for this is a. This is nightlife. Like are you insane? Okay, but anyway, um, that's beside the point, but I don't like no man like that. Like what? Like what? I like a protector, somebody that is gonna protect me but also please me and let me like, yeah, you are the woman, yeah, you supposed to like, you know, but at the same time, like that's what makes me personally so submissive to my man. They make me real submissive to my man. So, yeah, like, when it comes to like balancing your masculine and feminine, I feel like everybody should do that, and me as a woman.
Speaker 1:It took it took somebody like him to make me feel like, okay, I can be something or I can be. You know, I don't have to be, I don't have to talk back to you because you understand, you get me. I don't have to yell and raise my hand or like you know what I'm saying, just be weird, because you get me like it ain't toxic, the communication is very open. We, you know, we use like we don't talk anymore. Um, communication is just like very open and it's just nothing's toxic.
Speaker 1:And also, I work at a diamond store as well and this man was coming in and gave his wife a the gift, his wife a 20 year anniversary, 22 year anniversary today. It was actually to the fucking day y'all. So I was like what's the secret? Tell us the secret. And he was like, honestly, the biggest secret is no argue, we don't argue, we just communicate. However, this was a white male.
Speaker 1:Now I don't know what it is in our black community where we feel like we have to well, we're such in survival mode where we feel like we can't love, we have to have multiple. We, you know, have to like only, just, you know, be happy. I may not be happy and just settle. I don't know what it is in our community where where because let me see something I'm gonna look up and I and I'm saying this and I'm bringing it up a race thing, because we we do have different backgrounds that have grew up different when it comes to love in our community versus others, just because of the trauma that we went through. So what I'm going to look up is how many married couples there are in the white community and in the black, we're just going to use those two races. Let me look it up.
Speaker 1:Okay, so it says black Americans have seen a significant 51 a black man and 47.5 of black women had never been married, up from 35.6 percent of black men and 27 percent of black women. So let me look up white marriages, because that alone just tells you a lot Like back in the day. Back in the day, so it says 59% of white women who have been married have been married more than once, compared to 41%. Okay, so no, it's just like in general, honestly, it's in general. I don't know what's going on y'all. So race ain't got nothing to do with it right now, because white folks ain't getting married either and we just going oh, what is happening? Like, why is everything so toxic we are in? Is it toxic culture? I don't know, but I do know this.
Speaker 1:I feel like a lot of we are in a narcissistic am I saying it right? Y'all narcissistic, narcissistic. Damn, y'all be like damn, she's slow, I'm not. Y'all promise, it is 128 am I am tired? I was sitting over here trying to do this. Damn, fix it anyway. We are in that era and where we feel like we are always right. We don't want to take accountability and everything and we're not like we all individually have to take accountability of.
Speaker 1:Okay, so what is what is it about me that I don't love that I am projecting insecurities into this relationship? Am I truly in tune with myself or my intuition is telling me what's going on? Or am I ignoring the red flags and settling because I feel like I can't get another man to do this, or I can't get another woman to do this for me, or I'm not good enough and this is just what I got to settle for, or I'm ugly or I'm fat, like you know. What is it that makes you feel like you got to settle for some bullshit Because you don't have to tolerate it, all that cheating, and sometimes money come into play too. Sometimes we feel like, well, he's stable, so he can do what he want to do. You're an idiot. Don't be an idiot. And it's and and there's no judgment. There's no judgment at all. Play the game, don't. Don't play the game. Don't, don't play the game, because it just it's toxic for no reason. You're wasting your energy when you can just be using that same energy to love on yourself more and just be above that, and that's how you get quicker to the one that you're truly, truly supposed to be with your, when you get into with your highest self.
Speaker 1:And sometimes men repeat these same patterns with different women. Because we are part of the problem we are settling for, we're settling for it, and so if you settle for okay, well, she gonna settle for it too. And since this is your love language right here, which is this, this, I'm gonna give her this and see how she react to it too. And in reality, he, a man, would never my aunt told me this, lord rest her soul A man would never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, leave a dummy. A man would never leave a dummy. So for you to sit and be one of them people that he just need to leave me alone, he's never going to leave you alone. Sweetheart, you have to step into your power and move past that bullshit yourself, because a man is never going to leave a dummy alone. Like you believed it before, you're going to believe it again, and I'm going to be playing the same game because you letting me.
Speaker 1:You got to care enough for yourself to be like I don't want this, no more. It ain't what I thought it was and like it's just not my vibe, like time to go. You got to take accountability and realize that you're a part of the problem. You have to let it go. And it feels so good because it's been a time where I done spun the block and I'm like damn, how can somebody who make me feel so good also make me feel so disgusting about myself? Like ugh, why does it have to be you like like, why does it have to be you that like I feel like I'm hurting so bad about something you done did, but at the same time you're the only one that can fix it? Because I don't know. I done been there before. I can't quite figure it out, but it ain't for me to figure out because I would never go back to that again. It it's like you, just you, and that's what pulls me into this next one.
Speaker 1:Like relationship grief, like that's a true thing too. Like you going to go through once you call that motherfucker for two weeks. They got to feel that Don't be part of the problem. Like these men need to realize like like damn, she ain't put up my shit. They them type, they always gonna chase after you because they know they can't have you.
Speaker 1:If you make yourself so accessible because you're allowing these stupid mofos to play with your heart and play with your mind, when your gut feeling is telling you the truth, then you, you, it's you, it's you, it's you, it's you. Why do you feel like you need to accept it, like that's so silly? And I, just my masculine part of me is I'm so prideful Sometimes that has ruined a relationship for me, a relationship for me before, because I was too prideful to ask for help, too prideful to just you know, just prideful. But also, when it comes down to, I can miss you. If you broke my heart, I swear I can miss the hell out of you. But, baby, am I, finna, hit you up and tell you that? Hell? No, because I'm standing on business and not.
Speaker 1:A lot of women are in tune with their masculine side where they're able to do that. A lot of men aren't in tune with it and make themselves look like fool and stick with women who ain't no good to them. And if you know you're doing that man like, then you're not happy. You better just leave him alone. Because who wants that toxic shit in their life? The more you sit and endure all this toxic stuff that you know ain't good for you. You know it's time for you to leave. You know he cheating, you know you cheating on him, but you want that love. You missing out on your blessing, you're missing out on your blessing.
Speaker 1:And it could literally all be so simple. If you know you're not looking for a relationship with somebody and you just want somebody to play with, that's cool, but you have to communicate with that. You can't sit and pretend with someone like that's what you want and you know that ain't what you want. But you also and it's like vice versa too like you can't sit and play with somebody who you know don't, who wants a relationship eventually, but you kicking it to them like oh, just not right, but you know you'll never be with them, blah, blah, blah. Like you can't kick it like that either, like don't, nobody deserve that, that's just not it. And we all have done it. We all have done it.
Speaker 1:But I feel like communication is key when it comes to relationships and you know when to leave that motherfucker alone, when to leave that motherfucker alone, and sometimes you am. I am a believer in maybe not right now, but we can connect later, because that's what happened with me and my first love, like, yeah, we was young as hell, whatever, but we had, we had two different walks of life, so we had to go through some things, grow up and then eventually, like I had his child, you know, and he was definitely my child was definitely, definitely meant to be here and it was definitely meant to be him, like for sure. So I'm not taking that away from anything, but sometimes it swings back and it teaches you a lesson or it gives you a ring. Okay, not everybody wants a ring and it's cool too. But you, I just feel like if you're upfront about it, you need to be upfront about it.
Speaker 1:If you know it's time to fucking escape, if you know you are unhappy you're being talked to any kind of way, you being like, just like, leave, it is okay to leave, but you got to take accountability of you putting yourself through that, because we individually people gonna do what they want to do. If they want to be faithful towards you, they're going to be faithful towards you, but you have to be faithful towards yourself. You can't sit and expect somebody to be faithful towards you, to love on you and to care about you more than you love yourself self that reflection, then you, of course, are gonna are going to attract the bullshit. Even when you shining high, you're gonna attract some bullshit because the enemy is always trying to be there to take you down when you're at your most high. So you have to be very, very, very protective of your energy when it comes to relationships.
Speaker 1:And a lot of people don't realize too that when you enter that beautiful portal down there between your ladies, ladies it's called a lotus flower, pussy, vagina, coochie cat, coochie cat. Y'all know what I'm talking about. When a man enters that or one another, when your partner enters into your world, in your safe haven, your womb, your good stuff, they are projecting all of their past traumas and energies into you too. So are you healed? Because you have y'all ever had sex with? Somebody?
Speaker 1:Woke up one morning and was like I just don't feel like myself, or I, you know I don't feel good, I don't. Or your ph was off, let's be, let's like this is we gonna put this shit on the floor here? This is the open room? Or your ph was off? If you ever felt like that, then you know for a fact something went right. You know you take care of yourself, you do your things. You, you love her. She's good, that means she's talking to you and she's letting you know. He right he been like we. Our bodies literally tell us before anything Something ain't right. Hello, like hey, sister, our juice is mixing. I don't feel good about it either. I don't know who it is or who you are, but here, here's that back. Like you know what I'm saying, and that's that's with and without a condom. Let's talk about it. That's the energy, that's with and without a condom. Like, chemically we have, our body is open pores. Like come on now, like you know, your and your body will also reject it after a while.
Speaker 1:I was talking to one of my best friends about, um, her situation and she was literally telling me, like my body just don't even be wanting him because of the hurt that he has done to me, and I felt that 100%, I swear to God. And it goes back to that feeling like, oh, you, I just want to, like you hurt me but you also make me feel good, and then you get back to this age. It will never feel the same. It's like your body just like get away from me, away, away, away, away. And it's that good old, powerful yoni, baby, that good old powerful yoni. You got to listen to the yoni, take care of the yoni and stop putting them toxins in your yoni and having you come here in the girl's restroom crying trying to release that. So we don't release that today. We gonna let that shit go.
Speaker 1:Relationship, um grief, is very much real. I feel like if you give yourself two weeks to a month, you're on the right path and you got to keep it up. I'm sorry y'all. Two weeks to a month, you got to keep it up, stay on the right path and everything will align for you. But again, ladies, it all starts with self, so love yourself first. Fuck them, motherfuckers that hurt you. Let that shit go. Rise above that.
Speaker 1:And I want to get back to my serious tone tone. If you, you or a friend or any loved one, is experiencing anything that is domestic, domestic, domestic violence, out, get out. Get out. If you are causing harm to your partner because you have anger issues, get help and just simply let them go, because they don't deserve that either. And you know it and it's not. I don't believe in domestic disputes. So I feel like everyone should get help and do some soul searching and love on yourself more and heal before you bring someone else into your beautiful world.
Speaker 1:It is now 1.42 am and I'm taking my ass to sleep. I love y'all so much. Thank you for coming into my space and allowing me to. You know, be here, be that girl for you, listening to my opinions and again, take what resonates, leave what doesn't and remember. Beautiful girl, you are smart, you are kind, you are a warrior, you are a leader, you are powerful. Use your power. Stand on motherfucking Biznaie and continue to Love on yourself. We all about the healing honey, so release that shit, let that shit go. Okay, goodnight, you guys.