TheGrlsRestroom
You need your girls, you need to release, you need to reset, & you need to refresh! This will be a safe place where we talk about all the fun things, love, grow, glow, get our shit together & release it!
TheGrlsRestroom
Life of a Single Mom : The Story of Kokoathagoat
What happens when life throws you an unimaginable curveball just days after welcoming new life? Join me in the girls' restroom as I open up about my journey through postpartum depression and the heartbreak of losing my first love, Damien, only four days after our son was born. Through raw and vulnerable storytelling, I honor Damien’s memory and explore how motherhood has helped me stay connected to him. This episode is a heartfelt dedication to all mothers, especially new ones, emphasizing the critical need for support and awareness around postpartum depression.
Being a single mom is a rollercoaster of challenges and rewards. I share candid reflections on the financial pressures, the emotional toll, and the profound love that children bring into our lives. You'll hear about the importance of family support, the reality of situational depression, and the protective instincts that come with motherhood. We also explore the role of black men in the household and the impact of their absence on family dynamics, all while celebrating the beauty and strength of single motherhood.
Motherhood is transformative, filled with sacrifices and immense love. I discuss the complexities of raising my son, Kasen, as a single mom committed to breaking generational curses and providing him with all my love. From the necessity of community support to the significance of prayer and spirituality, this episode aims to uplift and inspire single moms everywhere. Remember, resilience, faith, and perseverance are key, and every single mom is a warrior on a journey toward a fulfilling and love-filled life.
Hello, welcome to the girls restroom where we talk about everything girly, where we come in, we heal, we fix our makeup, we cry, we laugh and, yeah, y'all know the vibes. Okay, so we are on episode seven, and today's episode is a little bit emotional, a little bit real. Y'all gonna get a very, very vulnerable side of me that I'm so comfortable to share Because, you know, this is our healing spot or whatever. So today's episode is life of a single mom. So y'all kind of just dig deep into my world and get my view and perspective on being a single mom. And yeah, let's just start with. Y'all know how I am, even though this whole show is going to be like kind of on a more serious tone, more on a like listen to me, listen to big sis, type of show, more, you know, vulnerable we're going to be a little bit. You know we ain't going to be crying on here lord, I hope not. But I am gonna be sharing like my testimonial thing. So, and it's kind of new to me, this is my first time actually like taking my time and speaking out on it too and putting it out in the public for any and everybody to hear. So I'm really wearing my heart on my sleeve. So I pray that y'all have grace with me as I get through this, because I am a little nervous, because I'm a very, very private person when it comes to things like this, and especially with my baby boy. So I do want to let um just kind of educate people on what postpartum depression is.
Speaker 1:It's also called postnatal depression and it's a mood disorder that can affect women after giving birth. It can cause intense feelings of sadness, anxiety, exhaustion that can make it difficult to care for yourself and your baby. That can make it difficult to care for yourself and your baby. Ppd, which is postpartum depression or postnatal depression, can also negatively impact the newborn child. It's to the point where people women have committed suicide, a homicide-suicide situation, or just neglected the child and some cases, some women, fall so deeply into it and let it last so long without getting help or without speaking up. It just kind of, you know like causes other things to happen and you know, stress and they just never go back to normal. So, like when you are birthing a child, although it's beautiful, there is a there can be a dark side to it. It so if you know someone who is not themselves, or if you feel like someone is strong enough to handle some things and you know they don't really just speak out to people um, you need to check on, check on your mothers, check on the mothers, and you don't have to be a single mama to get any of this. Um, you could be happily married and you know everything. You want your counsel, let you know, um, and that wouldn't stop a thing from you getting that. So make sure any new mothers out there or you know mothers to be out there make sure you do your research on PPD, because it's a very, very, very serious thing that possibly can affect us all.
Speaker 1:So, as you know, I have been a single mom now for six years. I did not choose this lifestyle. It wasn't you know, we don't judge over here in the girls' restroom now, but it wasn't. You know we don't judge over here in the girl's restroom now, but it wasn't a choice like I didn't. I didn't know I was going into the situation not in a relationship with my child's father. However, the only reason I went through with my pregnancy without being like married anything because, of course, it was Damien. He was my first love. Um, regardless of anything, I knew that he was gonna be going to be a great father because that's all he ever wanted. He all he ever wanted was a whole bunch of kids, like you know his dad had, and, um, we had a bond. He had a very close relationship with my family. I have a very close relationship with, like his sister and you know family that his family dynamic is a little bit more different than mine. Um, so, yeah, that's that and but, regardless, like we started dating when I was like 12 years old, so, like he was in my life, he was family at that point, like girl, anyway, that's a whole nother story for a whole nother tutorial. Anyway, unfortunately, it did not happen that way. We lost Damien on November 10th 2018. Well, it was like November, was it one? November 9th? No, no, 10. Yes, 10 November 10 2018. Um caseen was born November 6, 2018.
Speaker 1:So, four days after becoming a new mom, experiencing a new vibration in life, literally physically, I was healing and had a broken heart and my first love, baby, daddy um, was shot and killed. A lot of people know this story. They know me personally because it was just such a big thing. But for those who kind of just stumbling across, you know, getting to know, coco, or for my, you know, whoever don't know. That's the story, something I don't want to get like too deep into because it's not about that situation. Um, when I heal in certain ways with that, I will speak out on it. It's just I'll have to figure out how you know. So, baby steps.
Speaker 1:However, he is no longer with us and this episode is actually dedicated to him, and I want to say something to you out there in the world your spirit lives on with us. We feel you, feel you. I think it's a beautiful thing, damien, that I am raising our kid, because it's like getting to know you in a different light, because he reminds me so much of you, like even down to like his like mannerisms, like it's just I feel like I'm raising a you, if that makes sense. So I know me that way, me growing up in my childhood but looking at him in the light and I get to thinking like I wonder where he get that from, or he'll make a certain face that you used to make or anything, and it's just kind of of been something that I've had to find beautiful in a difficult situation and I pray and I know, but still, it's just that validation from you Like that.
Speaker 1:I hope that you're proud of me and proud of the young man that I'm trying to raise, because it's hard and we love you. Your presence is definitely missed and I'm trying my best to do what I choose. Hard, it gets harder, it gets easier and then some days you know it's like whew. But to know that you are protecting him in another realm and spiritually have covered us in so many ways is another beautiful thing out of this situation. That I get to know you and your spirit a little bit better than the physical, if you know. You know if you get it, you get it.
Speaker 1:But I want to dedicate this episode to you and to me, because even though you physically not here, was still doing this shit and I couldn't be more proud to be Kacen's mom. So thank you for such a beautiful soul, because I really needed it. I really really needed him. I wouldn't be here today without him. So rest in power to you, king. Oh, child, that's how we coming. Oh, lord, that's how we coming. Oh, lord, that's how we coming. Oh lord, sometimes you gotta laugh and cry, okay. So to my people, that's listening, sorry, I had to.
Speaker 1:You know, get vulnerable and give him that, um, when it comes to being a single mom, uh, it's one of the hardest fucking things in the world. I'm not gonna lie to you, and it's a lot of people think financially, financially, financially. I don't think financially because, no matter what, if you're a natural born hustler, go getter. Someone who is you know, gonna make it happen and get it out the mud by any means. You definitely gonna make it happen for that little kid who don't know what's going on, or don't know you know, like he's a kid, he doesn't know what's going on. Or your baby's a kid, like they don't know what's going on for it. They just know they won't do some need it and they see you like you know. So if you're a natural born hustler, like financially it is tough, especially in today's economy and all of this going on, but you gonna make sure you make shit happen. If you are a Mr Go-Getter, you know what I'm saying. You're going to make shit happen regardless, so that I would never be afraid of when it comes to me speaking on being a single mom. People always go like, financial oh my God, kids cost some of it, yeah, but you're going to make it happen if you're that type of person.
Speaker 1:However, a lot of things people didn't tell me would be the mental health part. So I personally didn't suffer from PPD after having case and I was actually at a beautiful place in my life and felt just like so much more different and was very. It felt powerful, even though I was weak because he tore me from the rooty to the sweetie baby. I have fourth degree tail casing, that big old head baby, he told us. But, um, yeah, physically no, but like just mentally, spiritually and just feeling the love that that baby was giving me. Like that's how I know I birthed a healer, because little did I know what he would be for me in the next four days you know what I'm saying and even down to like to this day, like he's five well, he's five now, but this year he will be six so that's why I said six year but um, still a healer.
Speaker 1:Like I just look in those little eyes and I'm just like, oh my god, this little man don't know what he does to me. Like, oh my gosh, I already, like I'm already just such a lover girl, like, if I love you, I love you. You gonna feel that. But oh, I'm just so soft when it comes to my kid, like that is my weak spot and that's why I protect him so much and that's why I don't really post him as much on my social media or like post the things that we always do or our vulnerable moments, because they're so sacred and so special, and I protect that part of me from any and everybody because I will be in jail over my child, which which I mean you know so, so important, Like it is very important. I'm talking about the importance of it. It's important, I mean duh, but it's so important to have family and support, and someone like me wasn't used to that.
Speaker 1:Like I push a lot of people away sometimes because I've always been very independent, even before I had K-Stan. Like I've always went through things on my own and always felt, um, I just just need a survival and not asking about anybody else for shit, and it's just. And it's a lot of childhood things that built me this way. Don't get me wrong, that we'll discuss later on. However, once I had a kid, my mental health it threw me the fuck off and I was angry and I had situational depression instead of PPD because I had to ask people for help. I needed help. Like I've never been in that position where I was like whoa, like I have to ask people for help and I have to depend on them, I have to wait around on them like it drove me insane. I don't have any patience and I know how hard I go for people. So it definitely showed me who was really supportive and who really wasn't, and still isn't or, you know, weren't or whatever, and that I wasn't prepared for.
Speaker 1:Now I do a lot of people saying I don't even know. I'm not just gonna ignore the fact that I haven't heard that. Having a child shows you who your real people Are. Having a wedding shows you, shows you who your real people Are and, um, grieving, you'll see who Is really there for you. So To go through Two of those Things at one time Unexpectedly was two of those things at one time unexpectedly, was very, very, very eye-opening, like it literally changed my life, changed overnight, like within a couple of hours, literally. So that's why I don't take a lot of stuff for granted, you know.
Speaker 1:However, I don't I'm going to say I wasn't prepared, but I like I wasn't prepared for it at all, but I adjusted and I'm still dealing and I'm still healing and like today, today, for instance, well, okay. So before I even touch on the situation that happened today, I wanna also say that being a mom has been one of the best things that ever happened to me. So I don't want it to seem all bad or all scary. However, I do want to be real about it. I want to be very, you know, like it's a thin line between the real and what you feel, if that makes sense. Like my emotions today is not my emotions tomorrow about certain things. So I understand that.
Speaker 1:But shit is real and if you are out there signing yourself up to be a single mom with and not looking at the stability of the relationship you have with your significant other, whatever the situation may be, their family, um, I say reconsider it. I know it's a lot of women, but also, on another side of it, I do understand women who know like, okay, I'm preparing, I'm trying to be prepared for that. Um, I, it still doesn't matter to me, I just want to be a mom. I respect women like that too, because but just don't take it as a joke like go in serious and and I'm not saying change your mind about the situation, do what your heart desires and God says be fruitful. So, baby, be fruitful and have them kids.
Speaker 1:However, it's not easy. You have to take care of yourself, you have to mind, body, spirit, because if you're not right them, babies feel that energy and I know Kacen Like them. Babies feel that energy and I know Kacen and that's why I thank God that he has the spirit that he has, because literally, I would have one in my day and I'd be like Kacen, can you go to your room and just chill and have a day and let mommy have a day today, because mommy ain't feeling it. He will love me and he will do just that Like he will love me and he will do just that like he will back up. But when he was a baby, I couldn't I couldn't, you know, do that. He didn't understand me, he just felt emotion.
Speaker 1:So I've suffered from mom guilt even still to this day because even though if his dad would have made it and you know we didn't have the healthiest relationship all the time and that's not something that I wanted to, you know, bring a child into, I was very selfish at the time, thinking that not, not bringing him into this world, not even considering that much, you know. So mom guilt hits me hard because I'm like, damn, like if I never would have had him, he wouldn't have to worry about not having a father. Or like these are some real ass emotions that go through your head like, well, damn if I would. You know, like you it's in his mom guilt and it's not that baby's fault. It's not the fact that I regret having him or anything, it's just I regret not bringing him into a better situation or just leaving him out of it. That's what it is. But to train him I would never, because he is the reason I am the woman that I am today and I'm so, so, so, so grateful for my baby, so grateful for him, lord, thank you.
Speaker 1:Being a boy mom on top of that is even harder because I'm raising a little, a little king, a little, you know, a little african-american king, and that, on top of doing it by myself, is very scary because in my, for one, this generation of mothers the I'm gonna say the generation of mothers before before me um, they've raised not all. But in my community we like to sweep a lot of shit under the rug, and when I say community, I'm saying the black community when it comes to mothers raising their sons. A lot of black mothers like to raise their sons as if they're their husbands and it makes it harder for them out in the real world. When it comes to relationships with these women and I've came across a couple of a little wanky ass mama boys it's just like we're like be a fucking man. But it's like how don't disrespect the black woman for doing what she could do in these circumstances, being that we are black and in america you know. So it's like we're battling this line.
Speaker 1:And now that I am raising a little african-american boy, it's like damn, it's like you have to put your feet in everybody's shoes and it's like you're not gonna be up. The perfect parent, the perfect parent doesn't exist, but I'm trying to do the best I fucking can without enabling him, with still trying to teach him his and get him to realize his power, and just all around. Like it's so hard, like I can't even explain it, like I'm a woman. I don't know jack shit about what it feels like to be a man, what it feels like to be a man. I don't even know if I'm doing it right when it comes to raising a man. Now, um, all I can tell him is how I view it from a woman's point of view and I show him by the type of men that I would bring around him. And I've only bought one guy around him and he wasn't even really around him long. Um, you, you know. So it's nothing like.
Speaker 1:It's nothing like that with me and my child. Like he is to the point now where he's like mom, I want a brother and I want a new dad, and he looks at my dad, which is his papa, he looks at him as his father figure and I think that's a beautiful thing. But, however, it's gonna come a time where I know I'm gonna have to face the fact that, damn, like he, you know, like, so I don't know, we just I'm, we just gonna keep God in our corner and keep praying and praying and praying and praying that his emotion, his emotions, is protected and I'm lead the right way to get him help. You know if that's therapy or whatever. So he doesn't like spaz out, you know, because all this shit is mentally like I can't.
Speaker 1:I don't understand what it's like to not have a dad. I don't, I don't know what that feels like. I know what it feels like to be not even abandoned, but feeling a sense of abandonment for having to share my dad and you know him, being in two marriages and my mom was a baby mom Like, I know that sense of abandonment when it comes to like feeling left out, but I don't know the absence of a father. I don't know that. So I can't relate to how to feel. I can't tell him how to heal. All I can do is just be there for him when that time comes.
Speaker 1:If that time comes, if it it, it bothers you because it's like are you, how do you, how are you gonna do this? How are you gonna raise a black man to be a man? And, yeah, be a mama's boy. Yes, you love women, you take care of women, you be a gentleman. However, be a man. I can't. I'm it. I mean, and that's, and that's the part that bothers me the most, because, uh, it's very important for a black man, for black men, to be in households. I feel like back when that was a thing, families were stronger, bonds were stronger, but black people had each other's back a little bit harder. Um, the black man is very, very important, a very important piece to a family, especially when he knows his worth and um, has morals and stand on values and have structure. It is so important to raise a family and have a black man in the presence of his home, with his family, doing what he needs to do.
Speaker 1:And in my situation is one of those things like damn, you don't know till you don't have it. Like you know, like you don't know until you don't have it. And, like I said, although my dad plays a big role in his life as his father figure and he loves him, like one day he's gonna wonder, one day he's gonna want to know, and all I can do is just be supportive and be real with him because I can't feel that I can empathize with it, with him, because I can't feel that I can empathize with it but I can't sympathize with it because I don't know. I don't know. And um, yeah, I think we as women if you can prevent it, if you're a girl on here that just want to be a mom and just want to know what it's like and want you know, just here out of curiosity, here supporting me, or here feeling me like your baby father, don't have to be dead in order for him to be absent. He can just be no good. Like, let's be real, he could just be a no good and shit ass person who don't want to take care of his responsibilities.
Speaker 1:In your life, that's absence. That's even harder having to face reality of knowing that somebody don't love something so precious that you brought into this world enough to make the sacrifices you have to make. Like and a lot of people say bitter, bitter, bitter, damn right you bitter. Like just think about what I just said. Anybody with a good heart will be fucking bitter, like a lot. If you're not a woman. Like you don't understand what it feels like to have that connection with something that grew that you grew inside of you. Like being a woman is fucking amazing, you know.
Speaker 1:That's why I don't want to take away the beauty From being a mother, because it's a beautiful fucking thing that only us Can make happen in this world. Like women make the world go round. You know, like God is a woman. If you ask me, like let's be real about it. Because what, oh what does god do? He births, protects, heals, do all the things that a woman does. So you're not gonna tell me we aren't the one of the greatest gifts from God. Like true, let's, let's talk about it now.
Speaker 1:So I would never take the beauty of being a mother away from my, even though I just I didn't want to be a mom too, like at all. Like I was very, very adamant on I don't want any kids. I was very, very adamant on that because I grew up in a broken home with siblings all on the side. And then going over here my dad on siblings all on the side, the side and then going over here my dad on siblings all on the side, like I felt like I was. I don't have a strong connection with my parents how I would want to, how my heart loves, like, how the person that I am, I don't have that because I always had to share, so and I, you know like, and that was my thing that actually kind of rubbed off into relationships, but that's a whole nother situation to talk for another day now anyway, um, so that's why a lot of people be like are you gonna have any more kids? You need to just have two. Then just have two, don't be the only child I'm like.
Speaker 1:No, like I don't want Kacen to feel like he has to share me and I don't want to share my love with another child like him, unless it's like step kids or something like I feel like everybody gets that dynamic. I will love you like you're my own, but, however, I want Kacen to be the only one that comes out of me, like you know, like he's his dad's only child, um, so I don't want him to feel a sense of abandonment. If I was to get a husband and have a child with him, like it's just certain stuff I don't want to like rub in his face, I feel like I'm I'm sacrificing that for him. Like you know, I want to give him all my attention. I want to give him, um, all my love, all my support. I want to be there when times are going to get hard and I have to split between these kids, like I don't, I just personally it's deeper for me, so I personally that would be the reason why I wouldn't want any more children, and I'm just he just better give me some grandkids. You know I'll take two. Anything more than that. Now, kaysen. Hold up now, baby, it's only one grandma, anything more than that. Now, case, and hold up now, baby, it's only one grandma. But, um, but that may change when he gets a little older and that and I have that conversation with him, especially if he's still on this roller coaster about him wanting a brother child. He's hanging on those systems. One day he do say he wanted a sister, but because that's what I want one. But, god willing, you know, like we're, we are gonna accept what, whatever love that he brings into our life, and we're gonna figure it out together. However, if you ask me today, that would be the reason why and the answer would be no. And so, um, yeah, that's that. On that, oh, lord y'all, I got the, I got rambling and talking about some real stuff on here. It's real heavy, but, um, I don't want that to steer away from people being a mom because, like I said, it is a very, very, very, very beautiful thing.
Speaker 1:I also feel like it's so important to pray for these young men that we are raising in this generation, because somehow we lost that um around when we were growing up. Like we, we, these sons that especially a single moms are raising these kids. Um, we are raising can't make it all for just grandma's prayers. It's time for us to get on our knees and pray. It's time to get on your knees and pray. Get off your knees from having a kid and get on them knees and pray.
Speaker 1:Prayer is so important in me and case in his life like, even case in like, is building his own relationship with God and it's beautiful to see Some things he don't understand yet, of course. I mean he's only about. I mean he's about to be six years old, like you know, he still has a lot of questions. However, just showing him who God is and he's seeing what God has been doing for me in my life, um, you know he'll have his own testimony. Like that baby life changed at four days old, you know, I mean I say it changed because that's how I see it, you know. However, that's at the same time, this is the life case in those. You know he doesn't know what he can't miss. What he don't know, but also he can because it's a part of him, is his blood. You know we feel it spiritually. So the importance of praying over your babies is that is some power and I feel like you use it to your advantage.
Speaker 1:I started praying when they baby, when I found that I was pregnant cold turkey, everything and I thank God like I'm telling y'all, kaysen literally saved my life, like I was smoking black and mouse, like I don't know. I'm definitely not the girl I used to be. When I got pregnant with him, had the same like. Of course, I've always been intelligent, like let's not get it twisted, but I was a little girl like, and he literally birthed a woman. And you can't tell me that is not a beautiful thing. You can't tell me that boy is a healer and it's just time for us to come together as women, be serious, talk to each other, talk to these young girls and break these generational curses of us having to raise black men alone.
Speaker 1:And I'm not saying, yes, it takes a village, don't get me wrong. My village, the one that my tribe like, is a I'm so grateful for. I'm not taking away from anything that anybody does to help me, even if I'm not saying thank you right away, or you know, just, I'm going through my mental ills and you know I'm getting my life together like if I'm not showing as much gratitude. Nor I am, though, because I'm praying for everybody that is in my circle that want to see me win. That has our back. I'm so grateful and I have the most respect and gratitude for you All that have been there, didn't switch up on me, didn't get scared and walk away, did not just kind of sell me a dream just to know what's going on, trying to sell me a dream just to know what's going on. Like you know, I am very, very grateful for everyone who has been in our life and loving on him during this journey, because that's exactly what it is Like. It's still going.
Speaker 1:A lot of people kind of was there for the moment and then kind of fizzled off, but I got my village, like my tribe stayed in this, rocking it out and is there every step of the way. One phone call rather. I like making that call or not. I it feels good to know, to know that I can make that phone call and we can get shit cracking because y'all love my baby that much. That is a beautiful thing to me.
Speaker 1:However, I do feel like we gotta stop raising these black men alone. It's a time where we are in our you. This country is getting crazy. Um, just a lot of things is happening and I feel like black women shouldn't have to raise black men alone in the household. Yes, it takes a village, it's gonna take a village, even if you in a two-parent household.
Speaker 1:I'm not saying it's, it's easier there, but at least you have someone there. You know what I'm saying. It's just about those little small things and that gratitude, like two heads is always better than one. It's supposed to be anyway, and I feel like we need more black men to step up and really do what we need to do to keep our tribe and our families alive, and it's just such a sticky topic to go on.
Speaker 1:But I feel like, don't put yourself in this situation. Don't put yourself in the situation to become a single mom. Be smart, please. Be smart, because not every woman has the strength. Just because you are able to birth a beautiful being doesn't mean you're going to have the strength to get through it, because it it ain't easy. It ain't easy for everybody. It's a beautiful thing. You have to see the beauty in all of what you feel is cursed.
Speaker 1:I feel like at first I felt like I was cursed. At first I felt like I fell into the statistics of things, but then one day my mom said to me like you know, that was a sacrifice, right, and you made the right sacrifice because God is gonna make sure that you are the one to break all those generational curses and that you are giving him something that his daddy needed, like a part of him needed, and you know his situation and when I realized that, I was just like huh, you're so right. Like everything happens for a reason. Do not get me wrong. But we all have chances in life and I just want us, as sisters and black women, to make smarter choices when it comes to putting ourselves in, putting ourselves in, and I'm staying our us.
Speaker 1:You know, in situations where it's possible that we will be a single mom, or you know, um, volunteering if you're not strong enough for it, if you don't know what you're getting yourself into. I knew it was a possibility of. I mean, I knew I was going to be a single mom when it came to you know the relationship aspect of it, but, however, I thought I would at least be able to have him there as a co-parent. You know it's a little bit different, but I I didn't see that coming. Like anything is possible, like you could be married to. You know you can be married and your man not make it home and you pregnant. I know someone like that, like I know who that has happened to. Like anything can happen. So you have to prepare yourself. But God, when you bring God into your home and you have your faith and you really, really really have that connection. Or sometimes it'll pull you to make that connection with God, but you got to bring God in it because that's the only way you gonna stay above and have that strength is with God on your side.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to tell you anything can happen to anybody, but don't put yourself in a situation to you know. If you could prevent it, prevent it. If it comes your way, then that's a whole nother conversation that you know we gonna heal and we gonna get through. But to the women out there that thinking about putting themselves in that situation because they feel like, well, I can do it, I can do it and, yes, you can. I'm not saying that you can't do it, but it's not built for everyone and you might just be that small percentage, so don't risk it. Don't risk it and make smarter decisions.
Speaker 1:When it comes to sex and when it comes to you know, um, being gullible for men who've already shown you uh, a part of them like you have to look at stuff like that. When it comes to your friends and the people that you have around you, when you have this baby, you have to. You might not make it. You might, um, you might leave the man to be a single dad and god might bring you home. You never know the situation. So you have to then look around you and see okay, well, who's gonna be there if something happens to me?
Speaker 1:And that's another reason why I'm so protective and sacred about my baby and about my close, close people and about who I let in my home and who's around my family now versus then, because I have a kid and the only people that I want around me is the people who I know are going to be there for him if something happens to me. Who's going to pick him up? Who's going to have that relationship with him? Who's going to you know and shout out to DJ, one of my childhood friends, um, damien, one of childhood damien's best friend, one of his best friends growing up for holding shit down and being a real ass man when it comes to shit like I like anytime I need any. I can't like that. How you doing what you need I like, and it ain't even so much financially. It's just the asking me are you okay? That alone is such a beautiful thing to me and I'm so grateful for DJ because he does that.
Speaker 1:So it's so important to have people around you, your tribe, in your village because, honestly, damien could have lined everybody up that he was around the time of his passing and he would have pointed at all the wrong ones, that he would expect to be there for his kid. If anything happened to him, he definitely would have picked all of the wrong ones, because none of them are, and that's no shade or anything. You know, that's not a diss. The truth could never be a diss. So it's not a diss. It's real life shit, because I face this shit every day, every, just because people have moved on from the his absence, like you know, and time has healed their wounds. I'm looking at it every single day and I gotta get my ass up every single day and keep going and, yes, it's a choice that I made and, yes, it's something that I don't regret. However, that's my reality.
Speaker 1:So, when it comes to this real shit and in this love and just him being so pure, and I'm gonna protect it, you know, you, you, you gonna immediately think like that, because that's what love is. And what drake saying you don't love me like my child, I'm not telling you being I. This is what love is, and so I see, no, I don't see, I don't see where these women be thinking like, not like that and I don't know creepy shit. However, I'm just saying, like I see why peak moms try to over protect over their sons and over their daughters, and you, you know. But we gotta break out of that. Like we still gotta grow these men up to be men and we still got to grow these ladies up to be women.
Speaker 1:Like in my culture, a lot of black women are so much more tougher on their daughters Because you got to be strong, because you got to be yeah, no, but we need to be strong together, equally strong together, equally strong together, and we still need to live in our truth. We need to live in our truth and if you are more on your like, every woman should know what it feels like to be feminine, regardless of all the other things. Like you know sexual, all of that, a woman should still know how to feel feminine and soft, and that's, that's just a part of being human. We all have that masculine, feminine. We have the balance and we all should live with good balance because it feels so good to have that, you know, and so to be, to grow up, to having to be the man, and the man gotta sit and chill and relax because they don't get to do like in our culture.
Speaker 1:I don't know why we are so protective over the men like that. Like that is so weird to me and I vow, and I don't do that to my baby now. Like he's fine, like you know, he's still a kid, don't get me wrong. Of course I'm going to give him his lovings and all of that, but I talk to him Like I'm very upfront and real with him and he's so mature for his age. Of course he's still a child. So it's a lot of things that I do sugarcoat and that I do, you know, like I meet him at his level, I would say, but I am so and I'm not saying I'm the best parent in the world. It's a lot of things that I wish I could. I could, you know, be the best parent in the world, could, you know, be the best parent in the world. But you know, I all I can do is just do what I can, what God gave me, and pray that he sees the gratitude in that and pray that I'm raising a good person and not only just a good person, but a good leader in his own world. Nothing that he, you know, and I prayed it over him. I pray those protection prayers over him and I know we're going to be all right because we protected in this realm and in the next one. So I know we're going to be all right.
Speaker 1:Another thing I did want to mention, being a single mom too is you got to bust your ass even harder when it comes to your financial state, like my mom was a single mom of multiple children, and another reason why we felt disconnected from her in a way is because we were always with grandma when she was at work, because she had to make it happen for these same children. The more you have, the harder it is and the more distant you are from your children and your children are raising each other in the or themselves, and I don't I'm already have that mom guilt with casein and doing that. Like he'll say little things, like mommy, he'll have a one day y'all. He had a bag full of freaking coins and he was like, look, not like a big bag, but like a little, you know, like a little ziploc bag full of coins, and was like, look, mommy here now you don't have to go to work, you can just stay with me, because I got money and I'm like, oh, I wish it worked like that. I literally wish I was so financially free where I could just all I can just focus on is being your mom and when.
Speaker 1:And women could do that back in the day. That's why, back in the day was so much more structure and, you know, because women could be soft and in their era and be women and raise these kids and take care of home and you know, and that was their work. And I'm not saying because I, of course, like I can, I can get a billion dollars today, right now. I'm not retirement, I'm not retirement, no, I'm not. But I'm not retiring, I'm investing. I'm putting that in my business. We got to keep this money going. We got to keep so.
Speaker 1:I've never been the type to just lay on my ass and you know, like just straight traditional housewife. I was never that girl. I wouldn't. I wouldn't have been asking to work in the warehouse with the men either back in the day. I wouldn't have been in that march. However, I would have wanted that little bit sense of freedom to be like okay, well, like I'm doing what I can do on the back end, what I like to do. This is my high. Maybe why not make money from it? You know, um, I would love that sense of freedom.
Speaker 1:But, child, when they, when they got out there marching and shit time, oh, we want to go to work. We want to go to work. Oh, no, baby, I wouldn't have been out there, I would. We want to start this business. We want this. We want to be able to put our name on this. We want to put that I would have been fighting for not to be at the motherfucking warehouse with these men picking, doing what I got to do to make it to survive, and then have to come home, bend over, give you some, cook you some milk, whoop them kids ass and make sure they do their homework, yell and scream and then go to bed as a woman. Um, that don't sound like a plan, honey, but that's what it is. 2024, that's what it is. That's what gotta do, and you gotta think about that when you're going into these situations.
Speaker 1:Being a single mom like it ain't what you want, that is not what you want. You want to spend time with your children, you want to be active and you want to be there every step of the way. Like I go to sleep and I wake up next day and a week done passed by now and casein don't grew inches. I'm like, put on your shoes and he's like, mama, these hurt my feet and I'm like, oh fuck, your feet grew already. Like those moments you want to cherish when it comes to being a mom and or a parent and so being a single one.
Speaker 1:Sometimes, those little moments you miss because you out there getting it to make sure y'all are living a good, comfortable life, or whatever the situation may be. So those are just a lot of things you have to think about and a lot of things that I beat myself up about sometimes. But I'm so grateful to have such an understanding kid that gets it, that loves me unconditionally and that reminds me and shows me that I'm doing the best that I fucking can. Because, again, you can't miss what you don't know, and he don't know what it's not like to. He doesn't know what what it's like to have a perfect parent because he's, you know, like we all don't, so that's why it doesn't really exist.
Speaker 1:We know there's things we want out of situations and you know, so forth, so forth. But or we desire when we get older and I just pray that and I'm very open with my kid and will always be open with my kid when it comes to that because I don't want him to have to heal from any trauma that I've gave him and if I have, like, I want him to be able to speak on it and be like Mommy, this wasn't, this didn't help me at all, and I want to heal from that. And I want to be able to sit down with my child one day and we have those conversations so we can continue to heal together, so he won't take my trauma or his dad's trauma down to his children, or you know it, it starts with me and I realized that and I'm just so grateful God, god, has me in the position to do that. Like I always was, like why me? Why me? Like I'm the strong girl, like I gotta put up with this, like I gotta put it like because I've been through a lot, you know, even before this situation. So it's just like geez, louise, when can I catch a break? But when God has a bigger purpose for you, baby, you ain't gonna want that break because that reward is gonna be so worth it in the end, and you just gotta be grateful for the small world well, what you feel like it in the end, and you just got to be grateful for the small. Well, what you feel like is the small rewards, but in reality it's the only thing that matters and that's love, like.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to end it here, because now I'm getting a little emotional. I'm getting a little emotional, I'm getting a little emotional and, um, again, I want to dedicate this episode to all the single moms out there because, regardless of how hard it can be, it's going to be so worth it. Just keep doing what you need to do. Long as you are doing right by your children or your child, god is going to do right by you. You will never want for nothing. You will never need for anything. You just got to keep faith and keep going. It might not come when you want and it won't come when you want because you know, like a little bit of that freedom, you have to sacrifice, but what comes with sacrifices is blessings. So always remember that. I went through so many hard things that I put myself through because I just wouldn't surrender. Let God do his thing, because God is going to bless anybody that does right by children, period. Those are the closest thing to the spiritual realm. Those are little angels. So do right by your children and your children will take care of you, I promise.
Speaker 1:What else did I want to say as I'm closing out this episode? Reach out to your single mom friends. If your friends are single moms or moms in general, reach out to them and get them love Like motherhood is a beautiful thing. This is the girl's restroom baby. We are the mothers, we are the. We be fruitful, like God said. Don't get me wrong Be fruitful. Everybody's situation is not my situation.
Speaker 1:Again, I'm just here, you know, sharing my testimony and what I have to go through on a everyday, and it's not even nothing bad. I go through on an everyday basis because again, you got to take the beauty with everything. So I am grateful to be where I am and grateful to be able to raise him in a, in a healthy environment. Let's start there like that alone is a blessing, you know. So I'm so grateful for where God has us right now.
Speaker 1:And a no child is a mistake. Remember that, even if your parents told you you was shy, you were not a mistake. I got you here for a reason. And to all the single moms out there Keep fucking going. We got this. And if you ever, ever, ever, ever, ever need Anything when it comes to advice Because, child, I ain't got enough money to be giving out no, single moms.
Speaker 1:But, however, support, that's really what we need, support to keep going, and just you know that motivation and inspiration. So I really hope this was that to a lot of you, and I love you. Stay prayed up. Remember. You are a warrior, you are powerful, you are godly, you share God's spirit, you are the nurturer, you are the mother, you are a woman and we are so grateful to have you here in the fucking girls restroom. Okay, um, I love y'all. Thank you so, so, so much for supporting me and having my back, because, lord, a piece of me has healed just from this episode, just from me, you know, just expressing to y'all and letting y'all in on my everyday life. I love y'all and until next time.